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agreeableness, gregarious VS Jim is antagonistic and narcissistic. IN mp3 format.

WATCH HOW TO ESCAPE NARCISSISTS: hey everybody its Me, DR OLGA LAZIN
inner integration and right now tonight
BREATH, MOVES THE NEEDLES THE RIGHT WAY!
I want to give you five ways to disarm a
toxic person have you ever met a toxic
00:14
person maybe you had some kind of
encounter with them in the moment and
you got sucked into their agenda like
whatever it was they were trying to
emotionally manipulate you about you got
00:25
sucked in and then maybe afterward you/
coulda woulda should have done all this
00:37
other stuff but you just didn’t think in
00:39
the moment what you can do we didn’t
00:42
know what tools you could use with the
00:44
toxic person so chances are you know at
00:47
least one of these people maybe someone
00:49
in your family maybe your intimate
00:51
relationship maybe someone in your
00:53
friends circles someone at work or just
00:56
random people that you meet in society
00:58
so I have five ways to help you disarm a
01:01
toxic person and opt out of their game
01:04
so plus if you stick around here you’re
01:07
going to learn some really helpful
01:08
phrasings that you can use like mental
01:11
Taichi right so when a person comes at
01:14
you with a covert aggressive
01:16
manipulation tactic you can kind of use
01:18
these phrases to Taichi that away so you
01:21
don’t get involved in the attack you
01:23
don’t go on the self defense you don’t
01:25
really feel horrible afterwards because
01:27
you kind of just moved the stuff away so
01:30
the very first thing that you can do is
01:32
to breathe take some deep breaths right
01:37
you can always take three breaths before
01:40
you respond to someone when you start
01:43
focusing on the breath that makes you
01:45
present it brings you into the moment
01:47
you become like totally mindful and
01:50
present in that moment you start to
01:52
notice new things you start to notice
01:54
maybe your heart’s palpitating maybe
01:57
your hands are sweating maybe you notice
02:00
how that person is triggering you
02:02
emotionally maybe like man they always
02:04
just they hit on that shame
02:05
thing they just know how to imply you’re
02:08
not worthy right and you notice me and
02:11
that’s the trigger every time right so
02:13
you’re catching on the more you breathe
02:15
the more present you are the more
02:17
mindful you are what’s going on
02:19
number two is set a new boundary and
02:23
enforce it that boundary might be as
02:25
simple as saying no maybe you’re at work
02:28
in the toxic person maybe it’s your boss
02:30
or another co-worker and they’re just
02:33
trying to get you to take on the extra
02:34
work they always want you to take on the
02:36
extra work right so you say I’m sorry I
02:39
have a lot on my plate right now and I
02:41
simply don’t have the bandwidth for it
02:44
we’re going to need to delegate that to
02:46
someone else you know you start saying
02:48
no in some way maybe in your intimate
02:50
relationship you know the person is
02:52
always asking you to do something for
02:54
them like always always and you never
02:56
get to pick you first and so finally
02:58
that night you stand up and you say no
03:00
I’m not going to watch that series with
03:03
you I’m going to go do this thing for me
03:06
you set a boundary you say no and you
03:08
enforce it make sure you enforce the
03:11
boundary or the person is going to think
03:12
you’re not really serious about your
03:14
boundaries right so number three is to
03:18
observe that means watch it like you’re
03:21
watching a movie like you’re not you and
03:24
you’re not the other person you’ve
03:26
separated yourself from you and this
03:28
other person
03:29
so looks like something’s happening with
03:32
the feed
03:33
hopefully it’s okay I don’t do this very
03:34
often I’m going to get used to this so
03:36
when you’re observing right you’ve now
03:38
separated yourself you’re watching like
03:40
a movie you can see this person you can
03:42
D personalize the abuse you’re not
03:45
caught in the drama because when you’re
03:46
caught in the drama you’re going to want
03:48
to immediately emotionally react to what
03:52
they’re doing and that’s how they win
03:53
that’s how they get you is when they get
03:55
you to emotionally react right so you
03:58
don’t want to get upset and angry you
04:01
don’t want to actually happy and
04:03
positive either because either emotional
04:05
reaction they’re just going to hone in
04:07
on that and somehow manipulate it so
04:09
when you’re observing things it becomes
04:11
less emotional you can detach you can
04:14
watch the movie you can see things
04:16
happening from a
04:17
different perspective it gives you more
04:19
of a delayed response and it gives you a
04:22
lot more power in how you respond so
04:25
number four on this tactic list is to
04:28
guard your attention like your life
04:32
depends on it because it probably does
04:34
where you focus your attention is where
04:37
you focus all the power of your mind and
04:40
that is the greatest tool that the
04:42
narcissist the psychopath the sociopath
04:44
the borderline personality will use
04:47
against you they want to direct your
04:49
attention to something they want you to
04:51
focus here they want to elicit a certain
04:54
emotional response thereby controlling
04:56
your behavior right so if you control
04:59
your attention and you catch they’re
05:01
trying to pull you down that way and
05:02
you’re like and you keep that attention
05:05
where you want to keep it you cancel you
05:07
delete you redirect towards whatever it
05:09
is that you actually want to pay
05:11
attention to you know they’ll like to
05:13
invite you to doubt yourself for example
05:16
and you know maybe you tell them about a
05:17
hope or dream you have for the future
05:19
and they’re like well you know bla bla
05:21
bla bla bla and it’s like the seed of
05:24
doubt right and you’re like yeah I’ve
05:26
already thought about that but not
05:27
interested maybe it’s a fear well you
05:29
know you should be really really afraid
05:31
because if this or that you know maybe
05:33
you can’t do it maybe just all falls
05:35
apart you know and they try to talk you
05:36
out of it and you just say no thank you
05:39
and you focus your attention on the
05:41
positives on your strengths on how you
05:44
know you’ve done this already or
05:45
something similar and you can do it
05:47
again you know maybe they even like try
05:50
to entice you to take actions against
05:52
your integrity right they love to do
05:55
that then they can manipulate the guilt
05:57
around that so when you’re really paying
05:59
attention you’re like oh I see that
06:01
that’s a trap yeah I’m not going to do
06:03
that right and you’re like that doesn’t
06:05
feel like it’s in alignment with my
06:07
integrity so I’m going to choose my
06:09
integrity first
06:10
so that’s guarding your attention and
06:12
number five is for raising phrasing this
06:15
is used to defuse the tension it’s used
06:18
to deflect whatever covert manipulation
06:21
attack is coming at you kind of like a
06:23
chi chi movement where you don’t absorb
06:25
it you don’t hit back you just kind of
06:28
redirect
06:29
get over there returning the
06:30
responsibility to the rightful owner so
06:33
I’m going to give you some of these
06:34
phrases let’s rap that first part up and
06:37
let me remind you that if you ever at
06:39
any point in the conversation start to
06:42
get upset refer to number one breathe
06:45
right just keep coming back to number
06:47
one brief if you don’t know what to do
06:49
go back to number one and breathe that’s
06:51
going to give you a moment to get some
06:53
distance to start observing things
06:56
easier to become more mindful
06:58
so remember never give an emotional
07:00
reaction to a toxic person they love it
07:03
they don’t care if you’re angry they
07:05
don’t care if you’re overly excited and
07:07
happy either way they’re going to
07:08
manipulate that emotion against you so
07:11
in the moment make sure you don’t give
07:13
that to them you keep breathing then you
07:16
want to go away later back to your home
07:18
back to your safe and sacred space where
07:21
you can process that emotion any
07:23
emotions that came up maybe you’re angry
07:25
maybe you’re sad maybe you’re like why
07:28
would they do that thing and so you work
07:30
it out by yourself you imagine this
07:32
person’s there you let all the emotions
07:34
out it’s really important to get them
07:37
out you don’t want to keep those
07:39
emotions stuck in your body you don’t
07:41
want to eat the emotions because they
07:43
will eat you right that’s the dirty
07:45
trick which the narcissist gets you to
07:48
own you know these have the emotions so
07:50
you don’t react in the moment you
07:52
breathe you observe you distance
07:55
yourself but then later you process the
07:57
emotions so here are some phrases for
08:00
handling a toxic person so let’s say the
08:03
first scenario is that you set this new
08:05
boundary and the person’s like or you’re
08:07
selfish and I don’t feel blah blah blah
08:09
blah blah because you’re selfish and you
08:11
set that boundary but you can say is
08:13
something like that’s interesting and
08:16
you can stop there or you can say that’s
08:19
interesting I wonder why you think that
08:22
that’s interesting I wonder why you say
08:25
that and maybe they’re calling you
08:27
whatever or whatever and all sorts of
08:29
names right you can use this sort of
08:32
tactic I learned this many years ago
08:34
when I was teaching high school I took
08:35
this awesome continuing education class
08:38
how to deal with difficult students Oh
08:41
you’re horrible teacher and you’re this
08:43
and that and why do we have to learn
08:44
Spanish and whatever you know that’s
08:46
interesting or you can respond to
08:48
something like if they directly insult
08:50
you call you something instead of
08:52
defending yourself and getting angry you
08:55
say something like that’s possible
08:57
you’re a bi TCH that’s possible could be
09:03
this is so unfair I can’t believe we
09:05
have to do this homework assignment
09:07
that’s possible but it’s sort of like
09:10
you’re just deflecting it you’re not
09:12
really engaging in it you’re not getting
09:14
them upset and provoking them it’s kind
09:17
of like well you’ve heard what they said
09:18
and you’re not going to argue and you’re
09:20
also not going to let them manipulate
09:22
you into doing something different so
09:24
that’s interesting
09:26
let that be a go to default now
09:29
maybe you’re in a situation with someone
09:31
and you have like vastly different
09:32
opinions right and you realize like
09:34
that’s not going to change like you’re
09:36
not going to change your opinion you
09:37
don’t have to and they’re not going to
09:38
change their opinion so you can say
09:41
something like I see you feel strongly
09:43
about this and we say things differently
09:47
you’re entitled to your opinion and I’m
09:51
entitled to mine so we’re going to have
09:53
to agree to disagree here and as you say
09:57
these sorts of things it kind of
09:59
diffuses the argument you’ll see they
10:01
just kind of walk away like they don’t
10:03
really know what to do when you’re not
10:05
engaging when you’re not trying to
10:07
convince them of your way or going along
10:10
with them when they’re trying to
10:12
convince you of your way you just kind
10:14
of diffuse and say well you have your
10:15
opinion and I have mine and and that’s
10:17
that so what if the situation turns like
10:20
really tense and there’s like yelling
10:22
and insulting going on just kind of let
10:26
the person you know go through their
10:27
thing and then you can very calmly say
10:29
something like I would like to maintain
10:31
a relationship of mutual respect I
10:35
really like to be able to come up with a
10:37
solution that works for both you and me
10:40
or that works for all of us or let’s
10:43
talk when you’re feeling calmer feel
10:46
free to give me a call or feel free to
10:48
you know message me and let’s meet in
10:50
the conference room something like this
10:52
right now maybe the narcissist made
10:54
you’re in a closer relationship whether
10:56
at work or in your own relationship your
10:59
intimate relationship and they’re giving
11:00
you the silent treatment because you set
11:02
a boundary or you said something they
11:04
didn’t like you know cause a
11:05
narcissistic injury or maybe they’re
11:08
doing those passive-aggressive digs
11:10
they’re slamming doors and scuffing you
11:13
know or maybe they’re bad-mouthing you
11:15
to someone else on the phone or over
11:17
there and you know as if you didn’t hear
11:19
it you can go up to them later at some
11:22
point when you feel ready to when
11:24
they’re not there with someone else and
11:26
you can say I noticed you’re upset I’m
11:28
just curious did I do or say something
11:31
that offended you and listen to their
11:34
response and really be open to listen
11:36
because maybe you did do something that
11:38
offended them right but maybe they’re
11:40
just blowing things out of proportion
11:41
you know and they’re treating you this
11:43
way because you set a boundary and they
11:45
didn’t like that you put the boundary
11:47
because now that means they can’t
11:48
manipulate you to get what they want
11:50
from you right so in that case you want
11:52
to hold steady there you know as they’re
11:54
giving you whatever and then you can
11:56
refer to those earlier phrases like
11:57
that’s interesting I wonder why you
12:00
would say that that’s interesting I
12:02
wonder why you would think that so you
12:04
can combine these techniques so maybe
12:07
you know that one that’s like the poor
12:10
me they’re always the victim and they
12:12
love to exhaust you by complaining and
12:15
complaining and complaining and kind of
12:18
soliciting advice that they don’t
12:20
actually really want and then every time
12:22
you waste your time giving them advice
12:24
they never take it because really they
12:26
just want to complain and they’re always
12:28
like well but blah and well but blah and
12:30
they can’t do anything so then you say
12:32
something like I see how upset you are
12:36
about that what do you think you’re
12:38
going to do about it and so now you’ve
12:41
just put all the responsibility on them
12:43
you’re not owning any of it you’re not
12:44
trying to come up with any ideas or
12:48
advice and how to resolve it you’re just
12:50
putting the responsibility back on that
12:52
person or the best one is when they’re
12:56
throwing like an all-out toddler temper
12:59
tantrum I mean could be in public could
13:01
be at home take some deep breaths and
13:05
you know if this is a person that you
13:07
don’t really
13:08
know that well maybe they’re at work and
13:10
you can just kind of walk away you can
13:12
say something like I hope you feel
13:14
better and just walk away
13:17
and don’t engage in that and don’t take
13:19
that personally and just acknowledge the
13:22
fact that they’re clearly upset and wish
13:24
them feeling better and if you’re living
13:26
with this person and they’re throwing an
13:28
all-out temper tantrum you can say that
13:30
I hope you feel better I’ll be in my
13:33
room and when you’re calm down we can
13:36
talk and that way you’re keeping it open
13:38
you’re not shutting them down you’re not
13:40
shutting off whatever they’re feeling
13:42
you’re not saying they don’t have a
13:44
right to feel what they feel because
13:45
they do but you’re just diffusing the
13:48
situation and a really general one that
13:51
you can use like maybe you run into
13:52
jerks you know at the grocery store or
13:55
in the car somewhere in public right and
13:57
they’re just rude and they have like no
13:59
reason to be rude because you didn’t do
14:01
anything to them but they’re just being
14:03
rude they’re misdirecting their anger
14:05
towards you you can say something like
14:08
generally when people are rude they feel
14:11
a sense of powerless and lack of control
14:14
over something in their life and I was
14:16
just wondering why you might be feeling
14:18
that way and then you let them tell you
14:21
something and maybe they didn’t really
14:23
mean to be a jerk maybe something really
14:25
awful happened to them that day and they
14:27
just like break down in tears and of
14:29
like I’m so sorry this happened and I’m
14:32
such a jerk and I didn’t mean the blah
14:34
blah blah then you just created a deeper
14:36
human connection with that person it’s
14:38
like you you acknowledge that they’re
14:40
not doing well something’s going on and
14:42
like they feel like you’re hearing them
14:44
and maybe you provide this really
14:46
awesome vulnerable connection for
14:48
somebody or maybe they’re just a jerk
14:50
right and you say this and they’re just
14:52
like whoa and they walk away right
14:55
because they know that you’re right and
14:57
they’re not going to try to argue with
14:59
that and being more rude is just further
15:01
reinforcing the fact that they feel
15:03
powerless over their life so you know if
15:07
you’ve been in relationships with toxic
15:08
people like psychopath sociopath
15:10
narcissist people with borderline
15:12
personality disorder you’re going to
15:14
find great value in utilizing these
15:17
phrases and using these five tactics
15:19
that I just gave you her too
15:20
if you want more work on the
15:23
self-healing process after being in a
15:26
relationship with one of these people be
15:28
sure to check out my 12-week
15:30
sauna audio series that’s a three month
15:33
journey that I take you into the self
15:35
healing process after narcissistic abuse
15:38
you can download the mp3s you can print
15:41
out the PDF worksheets every week has a
15:44
different topic with the lesson and a
15:47
meditation and some exercises you can do
15:50
to help your self heal so I’m going to
15:52
put that link below here in case you
15:54
want to check that it’s only ten dollars
15:56
and just in case you haven’t got it yet
15:58
you know I give out a free training when
16:01
you click on if you’re watching this on
16:02
Facebook and you click on watch video
16:04
that will take you right to the opt-in
16:07
page and it will send you my free
16:09
fundamentals of sauna training and
16:11
that’s a three part video training it’s
16:13
like from the ground up like you’re just
16:16
starting to heal you don’t know what to
16:19
do where to begin and even if you’re
16:21
further along in the process if you
16:23
haven’t taken advantage of that free
16:24
training check it out it is always good
16:27
to review the fundamentals like the
16:29
really basic stuff like you know number
16:31
one on my list tonight was Breathe Right
16:33
that’s so basic but sometimes we just
16:36
forget the most simple stuff that really
16:39
moves the needle in the biggest way so
16:41
thank you all so much for tuning in
16:43
tonight and I am sending a big hug to
16:46
all of you

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